I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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