Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
