Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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