just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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