I'm going to jail i love you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
