he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
