One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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