Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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