it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
