I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
