im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
