lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
