If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
