Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
