if you like me you must not know who I am
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
