he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't put those talents on a resume
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
