Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize