I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
