I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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