I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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