you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You've changed since you got that strap on
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
