day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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