I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
