when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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