you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
