I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but donβt worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. Iβm like a hamster.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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