I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize