Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
