Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
