Non-Jews are for practice
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
