I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's always time for handjobs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
