vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
