so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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