You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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