I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
