Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
