Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
