White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
