You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
