took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
