is your mom at the bar?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
