My liver just broke up with me...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
