I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
