I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
