I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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