Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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