i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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