I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
