do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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