i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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