the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
