Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
