They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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