just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
