Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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