I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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