You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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