Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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