Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
