you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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