I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
